The journey of sports is an amazing vehicle for teaching children life lessons that will live within them long after they leave the field. Several times on that journey, an athlete will come to a place where they are not happy with the amount of playing time, the team that they are on or the opportunities they have ahead of them. They realize that there is something they want and getting it will require a change.
It can be easy to get stuck at that place. Many times athletes do not know what needs to change, or they do know what needs to change, but don't know how to change it. This is where the life lessons are taught and you as your athlete’s advocate can play a pivotal role in helping to teach them. When your child is at a point where they want something in their sports life that will require change, you can help facilitate their growth and teach valuable life lessons with three simple goal setting questions.
Question #1 - “What is your goal?” - This question is a big one. It’s hard for even adults to answer, but knowing what your athlete wants is critical in identifying what needs to change. Many athletes’ first response will likely be “I don’t know”. That's ok. Simply hold space for your child and let the silence stand. Give them time to think. They will likely start talking. In that talk will be a mix of hopes, dreams and fear. Sift through it by simply listening and asking them to tell you more. Once they have shared all that they have to share, repeat back to them what you hear their goal to be. Once they confirm that you have heard the goal correctly, ask them to write it down.
Question #2 - “What do you think it will take to achieve that goal?” - This is a brainstorming question. This question is designed to get our athletes to think in a way that will connect their desires to actions. Have your athlete write down all possible answers on a sheet of paper. Let them all flow without judgment. Then go back and have them circle the top one or two actions that they believe will be the most impactful. For example, your athlete’s goal is to make a travel team next season. The actions associated with achieving that goal might be to practice 30 minutes a day, work on footwork or run more to improve their endurance. Once you review the brainstorm list, your child may realize that footwork is where they have been struggling the most in their current games. With that realization, your child can select “Footwork” as the top action to take. By defining the top 1 or 2 most impactful actions, your athlete is now empowered to make a choice to put actions behind their goals. This is where life lessons such as hard work, discipline and commitment come to life.
Question #3 - “When and how will you get this done?” - The final question comes down to logistics. Creating space in the athlete’s schedule so that they can do the work to achieve their goals. It sounds easy, but it can be a challenge. Making time to work on skills outside of regular team practice requires thoughtful planning. It takes commitment from the athlete and their support system. The athlete will need to set a regular schedule so that the actions they have decided on will get done with consistency. There are several options to make getting the action done easier. These include:
Staying 30 minutes after practice to work on their own.
Joining a class or small group that is training the same skills your athlete needs to work.
Tagging the action on to an existing habit. For example, if an athlete usually comes home from school and completes their homework, they could plan to do their impactful actions right after homework. Homework is already a habit, so adding their athletic work right after would be a natural progression of habit stacking.
Working out with a parent or friend. Having a partner to be accountable too increases our likelihood to follow through on action.
It can be helpful to have a place for athletes to record their actions. Seeing progress built on paper is a powerful motivator. Adding a reward at the end can also be helpful. Something simple like an afternoon with a friend or a trip to the park might offer additional motivation on harder days.
Using these three questions to help your child get clarity on their goals and the actions they need to take can reduce overwhelm, increase confidence and empower your child. Once they learn this process in sports, they will be able to translate it in all aspects of life. Whether they end up achieving their goals or not, they will have learned to think and gain clarity on what they really want. That is a win both on and off the field.
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